Bill Donohue of the Catholic League has called for Christians (or maybe just Catholics, I’m not sure) to find an atheist and adopt them. I’m totally down with that. I think it is a great idea, and as long as we are doing that, I feel that Atheists should also reach out and adopt a Christian.

If I adopted a Christian, I would not try to change their mind about religion. I respect their right to have whatever religious beliefs they want, as long as they are not the kinds of religious beliefs that harm others. Like if they believed that they should eat the neighbor’s dog or something. I know a lot about the ancient texts and customs and as an archaeologist I have an interest in ancient civilizations. Christians either tend to be very interested in these things, but know very little about them, so I can have an audience for my ideas about the role “god” played in early pastoral societies, and how that is reflected in the surviving biblical texts. A small number of Christians know a lot about the Bronze Age and Iron Age civilizations of the Ancient Near East and North Africa. It would be great to adopt a Christian who was an expert so I could learn things. I imagine it would be hard to find a Christian with a similar level of knowledge and background of study as me. That’s a good thing because it might be boring.

The other thing would be this: As an Atheist, I am very aware that many religious people think that you have to be religious to be moral or ethical. I am a reasonably moral and ethical person. By adopting a Christian, or by being adopted by one, I’d be able to show that person that a non-religious individual can be a good person. I assume that anyone who would adopt me would already think that of me, and visa versa, so this would not be about convincing someone of something they don’t currently believe. Rather, it would be a matter of developing mutual, shared experience. A mutual shared experience would give that Christian direct access to references, examples, analogies, and a general faith, as it were, in the thinking that Atheists are not bad people. This idea would then propagate among the Christian’s family and friends, and more people would realize that Atheists are not bad people just because they are Atheists.

Hell, the Christian would even see me getting mad at other Atheists who do dickish things, like uttering misogynist threats against women or hanging Santa Clause in effigy on a cross in a public park, and that sort of thing. Not that those people don’t have the right to express themselves in that way (I suppose) but if my adoptive Christian saw me look askance at my fellow Atheist sometimes, maybe that Christian would learn to be more skeptical and thoughtful about fellow Christians as well, who also do dickish things.

It is possible, in fact, that this has already happened. I do in fact have regular associations with a Christian or two, and over time, we’ve had plenty of interactions in which I not once ate a baby or strangled a puppy. These are people I see in day to day life who are respectful and don’t pray at or for me, and I don’t make fun of their beliefs, and we do the things we need to do together in a pleasant and polite manner and get to know each other a little. I’m thinking of one person in particular with whom I interact a few times a week. After some time now, I’m convinced that when she’s at her church meeting group or whatever, if someone says something nasty about Atheists, she’ll probably say “Oh, no, I know this one Atheist, and he’s not like that … he’s not eaten a single baby or strangled a single puppy that I know of! And he’s always very polite!” or words to that effect.

I have another friend who is an Evangelical Christian who is very learned in the ways of the Ancient Near East, and can even read some of the old writings and stuff. I’ve told her “You’re so smart, there is no way you are not an Atheist” and she has made similar but diametrically opposed comments back at me. Our level of mutual respect for each other is actually about as good as it gets, and I consider myself very lucky to have her as a friend, and she is, truly, a friend. In fact, I would say that we have already totally adopted each other, in the non-legally binding and non-parental way that Bill Donohue seems to be talking about when he talks about Christians adopting Atheists.

But wait, I better check on that. I only read the first half or so of the blog post at the Catholic League’s web site. Let me finish the rest of it to see if I’m getting this right.

… be right back …

Oh.

He says:

If we hurry, these [Atheists] can celebrate Christmas like the rest of us. As an added bonus, they will no longer be looked upon as people who “believe in nothing, stand for nothing and are good for nothing.”

Oh. Bill. It makes me feel bad when you say things like that about me.

I “believe in” quite a few things, at least by my use of the phrase. I believe in my Christian friends, and my Atheist friends, as people, in that I trust them and hold them as important in my life. I stand for many things. I stand for a progressive society, and I stand for making a difference in this world. So, I hope I’m good for something. I feel that my main role in life is to carry out acts that improve the lives of those I love, sometimes by making them laugh, sometimes by helping them stop hurting themselves, sometimes by standing up for them, sometimes by leaving them alone, sometimes by doing stuff for them, sometimes by doing stuff with them so they know they are not alone.

Damn. I suppose that makes me a lousy Atheist.

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Cuttlefish wrote a nice poem for bill, here.

The Friendly Atheist has a word or two on this.